Hello
everyone!
My
name is Chandler, and I want to welcome you into my little world, Shameless
Inner Beauty. You are probably wondering ‘where in the world did she get that
title?’ What a great question. It was honestly the very first thing that popped
into my head, and then I thought there had to be a reason for it, so I went
with my gut and it stuck. But there is a little more to it than that.
For
as long as I can remember, probably starting back in my teens, I have struggled
with self-love; whether it be emotionally, physically, spiritually, or all of
the above. As someone who struggles with chronic anxiety and depression, I have
fought with myself for the longest time, always wondering. If you find yourself in that same boat,
this is your message that I hope burns into your brain: “YOU ARE NOT ALONE.”
Did you catch that? Say it out loud one more time. Don’t worry, I know it will
take a while to actually stick. Some days I still choose not to believe it. But
one of my personal goals for 2017 was to focus on ME. Year of You, as some
people might call it – I get that from my favorite youtuber Marissa Lacer!
(Check her out – thank me later)
My
main focus for this little outlet is to just let my mind wander, as it
typically does, but also to let the words just flow. I hope to discuss a number
of different things, whether it be about my faith, travel, relationships,
family, you name it. If I can help just ONE person to be able to relate to
story or experience I share, I will pat myself on the back. I know how hard it
is to keep things bottled up. To feel like you literally have no one else in
the world sitting in your corner. I also know you can find many different blogs
and websites that discuss similar topics. So if you have made it this far, and
continue to come back – THANK YOU!
I
will share a brief experience with you that involves my anxiety, as I feel I am
just in the beginning stages of truly dealing with it. Just recently, I left my
very first job in a hair salon, after working there just over a year. I am a
licensed cosmetologist in the state of Georgia, and was hired as the assistant
to the owner (my boss) of this small salon. I won’t get into specific details,
because I have nothing but respect and gratitude towards my former boss, but
all I can say is “Oh. My.” As some of you may know and have experienced, with
anxiety there can either be a little or a lot that can lead up to that final
‘explosion.’ Looking back, I know now that I waited far too long to make the
choice I made. To make a long story short, in the week leading up to my
resignation, I had never experienced so many different feelings and emotions at
one time before. I was not sleeping well, my brain was constantly turning a
mile a minute wondering ‘what-if this’ or ‘what-if that’. I was very on edge
and irritable. Worst of all, over the last 2-3 months I had lost complete
confidence in my abilities to do what I was trained to do and went to school
for. As if my self-confidence wasn’t already bad enough. And I ignored these
feelings that were building up – for WEEKS. Finally, two of my closest friends
suggested that instead of verbally resigning and talking to my boss directly,
that I write her a letter. Why I didn’t initially think to do this? I couldn’t
tell you. So at 1 o’clock in the morning on that Saturday, I was laying on my
apartment floor typing up the letter, and fighting with my wireless printer.
Mind you, I had to be up 5 hours later to get ready. Even that day leading up
to the exact moment, I was anxious. What’s funny though is my boss ended up
reacting exactly how my parents and friends all said she would. I had never
felt so much relief rush over me in such a short amount of time. She was
incredibly gracious about it, and we came to be on the same page, discussing
various things that lead to this moment. The moral of this story – as stated
above – go with your gut. If you feel that something in your life is off, or it
no longer serves you in a positive way, then do something about it! Don’t wait
until the last minute, or until you are way beyond miserable. Do what is best
for you! 2017 started off with a bang for me, but unfortunately it was not in a
positive way. So the fact that I was finally able to break free of something
that was mentally suffocating me is huge. Don’t ever apologize for putting
yourself first. Do what makes you happy! I promise you it will be worth it.
XO.