Be Your Own Valentine

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. For some people, that meant gifting flowers and candy, and maybe a nice dinner out. For others, we didn’t have a significant other to celebrate with. 

This time last year, and in years past, I can remember how bitter I was when Valentine’s Day came around. I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with, or anything exciting to look forward to. Therefore I took my frustration out on other people, and chose to have negative feelings towards what most people consider to be a “Hallmark holiday.” 

The only Valentine I have ever truly had every year is my daddy. Without fail, even if it’s just a card, he always comes through. Though that may not mean much to some people, he has set the standard for me. 

But I can’t forget my other forever valentine – JESUS. How awesome is it that He died on the cross for us? That He died to take away all of our sins. That in itself should be something to celebrate. 

This year, even though I am single, I chose to celebrate MYSELF on Valentine’s Day. 

As you all have probably figured out, I have struggled with self-love for a long time. 

But one of my personal goals for this year was to put my energy back into myself, and learn to love myself again. 

Now it may only be the middle of February, but already I have noticed changes within myself. Positive changes that I have struggled to overcome for so long. I get so excited now every time I think about it, because I know things can only get better from here. 

I have learned that it IS okay to put myself and my own needs first. I have learned that it IS okay to spoil myself or treat myself. It IS okay to take care of ME. Self-love is the most important love and once you’ve built on that, the rest will fall into place when the time is right. 

Your relationship with yourself comes first. 

Be yourself unapologetically. 

LOVE YOURSELF. No matter what.

XO.

Weather The Storm

“She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the Universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings… this is what I strive for.” 

My number one goal for 2017 was to focus on myself, and finding my own happiness again. I wanted to make sure that I was putting myself first, because for so long I have put everyone else’s needs before my own. I grew up in a Christian home, was raised in a Baptist church, and was baptized at a young age. But I let life get in the way. I pushed God to the back burner… that’s a tough pill to swallow. 

I have been wrecked. I have weathered such a long and powerful storm. But now I want God to tear down these walls I have put up, and wreck my heart with his beautiful words. 

I don’t want to regret a single second of my life, but I want to be rooted and grounded in His love. I want to be filled with His fullness. I want to live a life full of purpose. 

I have anchored myself in this mindset of wasting my days, and I gave my heart away to people who just took advantage of me. Not once did I bury myself in the word, or renew my soul with His words. I hated what I saw in the mirror. So often I avoided even looking in the mirror, if I could help it. But – God has pulled me out of the storm I was caught up in, and He has redeemed me and given me another chance. 

“I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power.” Ephesians 3:7 

I think about my past all the time, and too often I realize that I spend way too much time living in it. Where we are headed is a lot more important than what lies behind us. When we spend too much time looking back, we can be thrown off course, which can ultimately set us back. I desire to be on the right path, and to be bountiful and fruitful for God. 

I mean it is incredible how amazing life is. We get one life to live, so why not live it right? There is beauty everywhere you look. It is amazing how the Lord has changed my view, to see beauty in everything. So often we overlook things, when we could be seeing beauty, or simply a visual gift from God. 

When I look back at my life, God has helped me overcome so many mistakes, defeats, and blessings. He got me through it all. Though I may not have looked to Him when I should have, he was there with me every step of the way, through every part of the storm. 

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

XO.

Patience Is A Virtue

Did your parents ever use that line with you when you were growing up? Mine sure did... and looking back, I'm glad they did.

Growing up, I had the attention span of a squirrel, constantly moving from one thing to the next, which also caused me to have a severe lack of patience. One of my favorite things to play growing up was "school." Ironically, I grew up to really dislike school, and dropped out of college after setting my major as Early Childhood Education. HA. God works in mysterious ways.
But as a kid, every time I played school, I was the teacher. I either used my siblings or cousins as students, or stuffed animals. But if no one listened to me, since I was the teacher, naturally I became impatient.

Most children are impatient, right? They want everything now now now! They want things done their way, which in their minds is always considered the right way. In most cases, a meltdown caused by lack of patience usually resulted in timeout. Now there's a formula for impatience.

Right now I'm working as a nanny for a family who goes to my church. They have three girls, 4-year old twins and a 6 year old. Don't get me wrong, the girls are a joy to be around, but they are all at the age where their moods can change at the drop of a hat. Timeout is not their friend. I see firsthand every day how little patience they all have. If they don't get just the right amount of cereal for a snack, a meltdown erupts, and they fall to the floor.

I am in this stage where I am at a loss as to what I should be doing with my life.

Yes, I did go to school to become a hair stylist, and yes I do have my license now. But I can't even begin to explain the feelings I have had since the holidays.

I can't really put it into words. I don't know of anyone who I can try to explain it too, either.

But I do know that this is God's way of truly testing my patience. He knows how thin it is.

My parents are wanting me to find another job in a salon like yesterday. God love them, they have been on my case about it. They sat me down last weekend before church, and we discussed an impromptu plan to go about it. A perfect example of patience, ha.

But again, I feel God tugging at my heart, almost like he's trying to pull me in a different direction. But what direction is that?

Psalm 37:7 says "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

Now this could be where I tell you about my journey with prayer, but to be quite honest, I really don't have one. I have never really known how to pray, even though I'm sure there's no right or wrong way.

It can be as simple as asking God for a sign. To show me the right path.

But I know that this season of waiting, though it does require patience, is full of beauty and stillness. He knows my heart, He knows what I need to do in the end.

Timing is everything, but I know I can rest in God's timing. He is SO good.

Have faith, and be patient. He always keeps his promises.

XO.

It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like everything is going wrong? Or you just feel like everyone is out to get you? Typically days like that turn into a snowball effect and go on for a few days… no? Just me? Maybe.

If so, you are not alone.

The fear of the unknown is one of the most terrifying feelings, I think.

Having been someone whose had multiple curveballs thrown at her, no matter the size, I have come to just one conclusion:

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

Yes, it has taken me this long and oh so many dead ends and wrong turns to finally figure that out. That, and some fabulous people repeating it.

However, it would be wrong of me to sit here and try to sugar coat things for you and for the sake of a “great blog post.” That’s not being transparent.

Dealing with both depression and anxiety on a day-to-day basis is no easy task. There may be some people out there who think a “mental illness” is just a crutch that others use to gain attention or throw a pity party.

I am here to tell you it is a constant battle with oneself. Every. Single. Day.

You wake up in the morning and take medication, sometimes twice a day.

If you work during the day, that usually helps to keep your mind distracted, and you hope to have a successful day with minimal stress.

But if you don’t work, or if you’re between jobs, or work from home even, that’s an entirely different ball game.

I live by myself, so I know all too well how difficult it is battling your brain when you’re alone. For me, it gets the worst at night, especially when I’m trying to fall asleep. I tell people all the time my mind races a million miles an hour. Every thought that I have seems to surface altogether at once.
Suffice to say I think most people tend to learn the hard way that it is okay to NOT be okay. IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

So many times I can remember my brain continuously turning, while I lay in bed with my eyes gripped shut, trying my hardest to fall asleep. All of a sudden tears just start to flow. There’s no real reason for them, it just happens. The tears usually turn into a panic attack, which doesn’t always stop right away.

Throughout this journey of ‘self-love’, I have learned so many new things about myself. The biggest thing I have learned is to acknowledge my feelings. I am terrible about getting down on myself, and having such negative thoughts… probably one of the roots of my anxiety.

But lately, I am able to remind myself of positive things.

I AM beautiful.

I AM worth it.

God made me the way I am for a reason.

I’ll be the first to say it: I ignored my anxiety for a while. I tried to shove it to the side, acting like it wasn’t there and that it was all in my head.

We are our OWN biggest critic. All the time.

But now, I just have to remind myself that I am doing great. I’m at a great place in my life. I have accomplished so much in this life, so what do I really have to be down about? There’s a famous quote I feel is very appropriate here.

“It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.”

In the end, you control yourself and your life and the outcome. But don’t let that be a reason you are so hard on yourself. Relax. Take a breath.

It is okay to not be okay.

XO.

The Reason For The Season

I know what y’all are thinking: “Um it’s the end of January – Christmas is over!” Unfortunately that is true, however not what’s behind this post. [Fair warning: I’m comin’ in hot with scripture today. If that’s not your thing, I completely understand.]

If you know me at all, you know that I am one of THE most impatient people on the planet. One of my biggest pet peeves is when you are in the middle of a conversation with someone via text, and they don’t reply right away. It’s not so hard, right? I’m also one of those girls whose had her dream wedding planned on Pinterest since the beginning of time. But if you aren’t one of those girls, more power to you. I call myself a hopeless romantic, and I long to find my “prince charming” who will sweep my off my feet. But wait… why am I in such a hurry to rush away time? So many ladies find themselves in a season of singleness right now, myself included. But what we may not understand is that this season should not be viewed in a negative way.

I can’t even begin to explain how often I find myself sitting on my couch, either watching TV or scrolling social media on my phone, and thinking how much happier I would be with a significant other. Red flag #1! Where do we come off thinking that someone else can make us happy? Why do we think that another human being can fill this supposed void in our hearts? And why should we assume someone else would be willing to take on that responsibility?

"People don't mind doing CPR on a crisis victim, but no person is equipped to be the constant lifeline to another." - Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited

Isaiah 61:3 “He makes beauty out of ashes.”

If I have learned one thing, it is that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You are BEAUTIFUL. He created you in His image. Don’t ever harbor the thought that it is considered selfish to put yourself and your happiness first.

Something else I often find myself doing is holding in feelings of jealousy when I see other couples who are happy, particularly friends and sometimes family. Whether it’s a relationship, an engagement (hello engagement season), or a wedding post on Facebook. Red flag #2! Now how horrible is that? If I can’t be happy for my friends, how can I ever be happy? Focusing on me, and loving myself should be my top priority. Again, there is nothing selfish about that. If the people in your life truly love and care about you, they will completely understand your desire for happiness.

1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.” Wow. Powerful.

Why waste time chasing after someone who may only be interested in one thing? Doing that only runs you into the ground (no pun intended), and that’s not where you want to be. The Lord has the perfect man picked out for each of us already. He is writing an epic love story. We just don’t know it yet. This just means it is our time to learn about ourselves, grow closer to God, and focus on Him.

Psalm 37:3-4 “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

"People prepared with the fullness of God in them are not superpeople with pixie dust sparkles of confidence oozing from the pores from which normal people simply sweat." Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited

If you’re being 100% honest with yourself, this time in your life is one of the most important. Break out of your comfort zone. Do things you never thought you could or would do. Focus on growing your relationship with the Lord.  Building that trust within you and with Him will make this season so much easier. Spend time in God’s word, and talk to Him when things get hard. He is always there to lend an ear. There is nothing more beautiful than trusting in God’s timing, and deep down we know that it is perfect. Focus on Him, and have patience.

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

XO.

Photo Credit: Jordan Lee Dooley FB

Use Your Head - Follow Your Heart

Hello everyone!

My name is Chandler, and I want to welcome you into my little world, Shameless Inner Beauty. You are probably wondering ‘where in the world did she get that title?’ What a great question. It was honestly the very first thing that popped into my head, and then I thought there had to be a reason for it, so I went with my gut and it stuck. But there is a little more to it than that.

For as long as I can remember, probably starting back in my teens, I have struggled with self-love; whether it be emotionally, physically, spiritually, or all of the above. As someone who struggles with chronic anxiety and depression, I have fought with myself for the longest time, always wondering.  If you find yourself in that same boat, this is your message that I hope burns into your brain: “YOU ARE NOT ALONE.” Did you catch that? Say it out loud one more time. Don’t worry, I know it will take a while to actually stick. Some days I still choose not to believe it. But one of my personal goals for 2017 was to focus on ME. Year of You, as some people might call it – I get that from my favorite youtuber Marissa Lacer! (Check her out – thank me later)

My main focus for this little outlet is to just let my mind wander, as it typically does, but also to let the words just flow. I hope to discuss a number of different things, whether it be about my faith, travel, relationships, family, you name it. If I can help just ONE person to be able to relate to story or experience I share, I will pat myself on the back. I know how hard it is to keep things bottled up. To feel like you literally have no one else in the world sitting in your corner. I also know you can find many different blogs and websites that discuss similar topics. So if you have made it this far, and continue to come back – THANK YOU!

I will share a brief experience with you that involves my anxiety, as I feel I am just in the beginning stages of truly dealing with it. Just recently, I left my very first job in a hair salon, after working there just over a year. I am a licensed cosmetologist in the state of Georgia, and was hired as the assistant to the owner (my boss) of this small salon. I won’t get into specific details, because I have nothing but respect and gratitude towards my former boss, but all I can say is “Oh. My.” As some of you may know and have experienced, with anxiety there can either be a little or a lot that can lead up to that final ‘explosion.’ Looking back, I know now that I waited far too long to make the choice I made. To make a long story short, in the week leading up to my resignation, I had never experienced so many different feelings and emotions at one time before. I was not sleeping well, my brain was constantly turning a mile a minute wondering ‘what-if this’ or ‘what-if that’. I was very on edge and irritable. Worst of all, over the last 2-3 months I had lost complete confidence in my abilities to do what I was trained to do and went to school for. As if my self-confidence wasn’t already bad enough. And I ignored these feelings that were building up – for WEEKS. Finally, two of my closest friends suggested that instead of verbally resigning and talking to my boss directly, that I write her a letter. Why I didn’t initially think to do this? I couldn’t tell you. So at 1 o’clock in the morning on that Saturday, I was laying on my apartment floor typing up the letter, and fighting with my wireless printer. Mind you, I had to be up 5 hours later to get ready. Even that day leading up to the exact moment, I was anxious. What’s funny though is my boss ended up reacting exactly how my parents and friends all said she would. I had never felt so much relief rush over me in such a short amount of time. She was incredibly gracious about it, and we came to be on the same page, discussing various things that lead to this moment. The moral of this story – as stated above – go with your gut. If you feel that something in your life is off, or it no longer serves you in a positive way, then do something about it! Don’t wait until the last minute, or until you are way beyond miserable. Do what is best for you! 2017 started off with a bang for me, but unfortunately it was not in a positive way. So the fact that I was finally able to break free of something that was mentally suffocating me is huge. Don’t ever apologize for putting yourself first. Do what makes you happy! I promise you it will be worth it.

XO.